My name is Crybaby, I'm a car, a Mercury Cougar XR7 to be exact. I have the name because my plates had TER in it and my driver thought that Tear or Tears wasn't quite right for me. We've been through a lot together. I brought him to work day in and day out. I brought him to his wedding and to his honeymoon. I was there for him when he went to a funeral. I was even there when he conceived his son. Maybe he wasn't conceived on my seat but I know that they tried often enough.
Lately though I feel like my driver has forgotten what we've been through. He doesn't wash me as much and we don't go on rides to the country as a family anymore. He's even bought a "sporty" SUV (notice how she doesn't have a name? I noticed) for his wife that they take out on the town. I hope they don't think I care though, after all I don't tip over. I've noticed that Little Johnny has taken an interest in me though. He's even washed me a few times. He didn't do that great of a job but he did more than my driver has recently.
My driver used to tell Little Johnny that he would teach him how to drive in me. I guess he forgot. He uses me to bring Little Johnny to some driving class but even then he takes the SUV more often than not. All of those little sports cars, Little Johnny was almost drooling when he first saw them. Look again Little Johnny, they all have two brakes and no bench seat. You might not be here if I didn't have a bench seat.
Lately we've been going to car dealers. I'm surprised that my driver is going to buy Little Johnny a new car. Makes sense though. I was new when my driver picked me and I've stood (you know what I mean) with him through thick and thin. My driver has finally picked one for Little Johnny. He must be worried that Little Johnny is going to wreck his new car before he gets him home; he's driving the new one and Little Johnny is driving me home.
Hang on, my driver is parking the new car in my spot. MY spot. Little Johnny is parking ME in the street? What is going on here? Little Johnny is thanking my driver? What do you mean you're going out to see some friends? Why is my driver going inside? Why is Little Johnny getting back in?
Okay, it's not so bad. He's driving okay. Hasn't hit anything. Isn't going to fast or slow. Nice and easy, just the way it should be. Wait a minute, I can't see the house anymore and we're going faster. Really fast now. We're going so fast, we're going to crash! That light is yellow, DID YOU HEAR ME? YELLOW! THAT DOES NOT MEAN TO GO FASTER! THIS NEXT LIGHT IS RED! THAT MEANS TO STOP! NOW, NOT IN THE MIDDLE OF THE ROAD!
Okay, he's slowed down. What's this? He's bringing me to a garage? I've heard about these places, he's brought me to a chop shop. Son of a bitch. I brought you home from the hospital and this is how you treat me?
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