Being a counselor.

I think I would be a great priest.  Except for that whole chaste, celibacy and belief in God parts (more of that later).  Like most guys, if you tell me a problem I want to tell you how to solve it.  Topless bars broke me of that habit.

Sometimes when someone is telling you a problem they just want someone to hear them.  Maybe to agree with them that their significant other is a jerk.  Or even just a hug or for someone to say "That sucks".  I've learned to listen, even ask the person if they want me to just listen or offer advice.

I've also learned that when you offer advice you have to qualify it.  Things like:  "Me personally, I would do this because of this" sometimes it might be like "I would do this, but that might not work for you because of...".

You have to judge the situation and react accordingly.  I've had many dancers and servers come in to work and complain about their boyfriend.  When the boyfriend is hitting and abusing the lady I would tell the lady to leave him.  My quote is:  "Love doesn't leave bruises".  I don't know how many would agree and then not do it.  I eventually stopped telling them to leave because they weren't ready to leave yet.  The ones that would complain about the abuse I would tell to leave him or stop talking about it.  Harsh, but I don't want to hear it if you can't take the first step in your own survival.  I learned to change my tactic.  When the lady would complain about the guy, we would say leave him and then she wouldn't.  I went to the next level and told her the future.  I would sit her down in the office (I would always have a witness, partly for legal protection and partly to train managers) and explain what he's doing (driving her to work and telling her that her friends don't like her) and why (she's dependent on him and removing those that might disagree with him or provide a safe haven), what the next step is in the abuse (more hitting, she will get older and not make as much money so he'll push her into prostitution or replace her) or if he's more anger motivated instead of money motivated the final part of the abuse (he'll kill her in a fit of rage).  I'll tell her this in a very matter of fact tone and let her know that if she wants out we can help her.  If not...

Every lady I had this talk to left the guy and didn't have the bruises anymore.  One lady told me that I probably saved her life.  Did I?  Don't know, she's better off so I'm happy.

Sometimes all we want is someone to listen and sometimes all we need is for someone to tell us what to do.  Fine line between the two.  You have to know the difference.  I was getting really good at that.

The first paragraph comes from a conversation I had with a former employee.  She was young and very religious and knew about my atheism and adult nightlife background.  We were talking about religion and I mentioned that I think I would be a good priest she laughed and laughed and didn't stop for awhile.  When she caught her breath I put the qualifiers at the end, she sputtered and laughed again.  Maddie's very mean.  If she ever need a couch to crash on I have it covered, but she's mean.

Still think I could do it.  Except for those certain things.

Know your limitations.  That's what I learned that day, and Maddie is very mean.