Money with Time Machines.

I've always been interested in time traveling science fiction.  Whenever two s/f geeks talk about time travel then you have a conversation about what you would do if you had a time machine.  Making yourself rich, lord over the world, meeting famous people, and other pretty normal things.

One of my brothers used to own a tobacco shop and he'll buy or sell some pieces for his collection periodically.  He mentioned today that if he had a time machine he would go back and buy tinned tobacco (some of the stuff he sold for $8a tin is going for over $50 now) then sell it now.  I had an epiphany, he could put on a disquise (or use a strawman) and go to his shop and buy the product from his past self.  He pays in advance because he's not going to buy one tin, he'll buy a case then he could buy some pipes when the tobacco market was flooded.  Of course once the pipe market was flooded then you could use your contacts to buy other stuff that you noticed was selling well on ebay or etsy.

Actually, a time machine would explain where all of this "vintage" crap is coming from.  "Found it in my attic", I call bullshit.

Stupid computers.

The default gateway is not available.  Problem fixed.

About every 20 to 30 minutes I lose internet connection, I do a troubleshoot on it and it tells me what I wrote above.  What the hell?  Whilst writing this the connection was lost twice.  I'm going to watch some tv.

Mimes.

I'm kind of underwhelmed with mimes.  I understand that what they do requires a lot of skill and practice but I'm just not that thrilled with them.  That being said, I want a mime to follow me around in some park and imitate everything I do.  When I notice him I will crush him by clapping with one hand.

Really, I can do that.  I used to practice martial arts with a blind card mechanic that could do it (Richard Turner).  Someone asked him how he did that and I practiced it.  It annoys my wife to no end.  Eventually, I'm going to teach my kids how to do it.

Celebritites Part 2.

I want to meet Ellen Degeneres because I want to ask her about her wife.  I have to restrain my crazy whilst Ellen doesn't.  How does Portia handle it?  Will Ellen do something "crazy" and Portia will smack her on the shoulder?  Ellen is also hillarious and her insights into the mind of her wife should be illuminating.

I said that Ellen doesn't have to restrain her crazy but thinking about I might be wrong.  She might just have a better outlet for her unique perspective on reality.

Celebrities. Part 1.

There are various celebrities I want to meet.  Sadly, the only reason I want to meet Ben Stiller is to tell him that while I liked Mystery Men and Night at the Museum I think that his best character was in Zoolander.  I know that everyone else hated the film but that was the only film of his that I didn't hope his character died early on in the film.

Rushed.

I have things I need to do in the morning.  Lots of things and they need to be done early.  I also have things that need to be done tonight.  And I haven't been sleeping well lately.  Bedtime for me is coming soon and I have to pick what I'm doing tonight and skipping until tomorrow.

Another kind of insanity.

My wife and I have a friend who is insane.  Why do I think she's insane?  She offered to have a sleepover with my two oldest and her two kids.  That's why I think she's insane.  When my youngest wanted to go and was throwing a fit about it she offered to take that one also.

Completely bonkers I say.  Thank you though, the kids said they had fun.

Sort of...

I met my wife in June about a decade ago.  Actually I met her before that but we had our first date in June.  The day after our date she called me to tell me that her doctor was putting her in the hospital for observation (eventually we found out she has a genetic condition).  I asked her if I could see her when I got out of work.  Sure, I might be asleep though.

I brought a book to the hospital in case she was asleep, she was.  That started a pattern for us.  Before and after work I would visit her in the hospital.  If she was asleep then I would read and if she was awake then we would talk.

That wonder and uncertainty that I had back then was fun but would I go back to that instead of the life I have now?  Hell no.

Happy "Anniversary".

Phone calls.

Whilst in the car today I heard the song "Hurt" by Nine Inch Nails.  I've heard this song twice and the first time I told my wife that I can't stand it when a musician remakes a song and doesn't do it that well.  My wife looked at me and said that this is the original and Cash did the remake.

Today I heard the song and all I could think of was how awesome it would be to have a legend in your field call you up and ask to work with something that you've put your blood, sweat, and tears into.

ARGG

No monitor means that typing out a blog is real difficult.

New trails.

We took the kids to the city park today.  My wife told me that they have bike trails so I took my bike.  Score.

We get there and since I don't have the trailer I'm wearing my helmet, then it's riding time.  My wife tells me where the trails are and off I go.  It was a nice and easy trail.

As Tina Turner said it in her version of "Proud Mary" I'm not nice and easy.  When I don't have the kids in tow I'm much more reckless on my bike and the bike has the scars to prove it.  I've gotten a little road rash but nothing major.  I want the more "technical" rides (I think most people call them more dangerous rides) because they are more of a workout.  When you go down a hill, with a trailer, at about 10-15 mph and increase to about 25-30 mph then you're having fun.  You can even hear my kids screaming things like "YEAH, FASTER, AGAIN".  When you do that without an extra 100 pounds dragging you down then you can go even faster and not bother with the brake to make that turn.

It was a peaceful and graceful paved jogging path in a park.  The trees gave you some nice shade and I had a nice breeze but it wasn't me.  My wife told me that there were some dirt trails a little farther away but I decided to hang out with my kids instead.

Mortgage quickie.

Have you ever thought about being a landlord? I am one and like anything it has it's ups and downs. Now is a great time to be a landlord, a lot of people need the flexibility of a rental. A broker I know sold a duplex to a couple who were going to give it to their daughter as a wedding present.  Nice wedding present.  

Why didn't my parents do that?

Interview fun.

Decades ago I went on a job interview.  It was a restaurant that I had never eaten at so I got there early to try the food and just observe the place in action.

I have my lunch and I'm not impressed.  I knew that it was a soup and salad kind of joint but I was expecting that maybe they had some type of protein to put on the salad.  Maybe some grilled chicken or beef or something other than the possibly fake bacon bits.  The soup was also forgettable.  I know it was some kind of cream based soup and I even remember tasting it and looking for something in the soup to tell me what kind it was.

After lunch I sit at the table and watch.  I count the tables and chairs and make a guesstimate on their turn rate (during the interview I found out I was real close).  I watch how this store has six managers that I counted on the floor.  It also has numerous hourly employees.  The interview was for 2 PM and I was there early to watch the lunch rush.

One table near me had a dirty tray and plates on it.  I got there a few minutes past 1 PM and all six of the managers walked past it at one time or another as well as some of the hourly employees.  During the interview it was still there.

At a few minutes before 2 I clean my table and go up to manager and tell him that I'm here for the interview.  He tells me to have a seat and he'll be with me in a second.  He and two other managers are at the table in about five seconds.  Why three managers?  It was a training location and one of the managers was in training.

They spend about five minutes asking about me and then spend about 20 minutes talking about what the company can do for me.  Not a hell of a lot.  The starting pay was lower than current with yearly and not performance raises, hours were longer, distance was greater.  The benefits were the same except for the half-price meal per shift.  I thought the food was crap so that wasn't much of a benefit.  I didn't want this job so I started having fun.

I pointed out the dirty table that by this time had been there for over an hour.  Instead of one of the three cleaning it up they got an hourly employee to clean it, and they bitched at him for not doing it earlier.  I played with the numbers; I did all of these numbers in my head which I think impressed/scared one of the managers; the average check was x, y number of people, with z table turns which means they do about q in sales per day.  The main manager told me that they do about 5-10% less than that on the average for the week.

I didn't want the job and when I realized that I started having fun.  They still offered me the job but nope.  The company has grown but from what I hear the food is still crap.

Facebook for Lent.

I'm thinking about giving up facebook.  I use it for work so I would still use the messaging part but other than that I'm thinking about giving it up completely.  I put Lent in the title because I thought it would catch more attention.

I've noticed that facebook is full of animals, peoples random complaints, peoples random whines, sports stuff, and politics that get real abusive real fast.  I just don't want to see the negative stuff and the cute animals can be very time consuming.

Haven't decided yet, might give it a trial run in a week or so.  I'll let you know.

Father's Day.

It's Father's Day and that means that we honor mother fuckers.  Odd when you think of it that way.  If your father is around let him kick back and relax.  If he's gone then hug your kids for him.

Another quickie.

Happy birthday Alora.  We went to the park today for a birthday party and I'm tired and my kids are even more tired.  We had ice cream cake and a unicorn pinata.  I do wonder if we ever find out that unicorns are real will they be beaten to death by candy crazed kids because they thought it would have candy in it?

We got a flat of cherries today in our food co-op, I should have brought a bag to the party.

Lawns.

My mother was a few steps beyond the typical green thumb.  I would tell people that she had the fist of you better grow.  When I lived with my parents some of my chores were to mow the grass.  Since my brothers Boy Scout troop sold some natural fertilizer my mother would buy two bags every year and that was the only thing she put on the lawn.  One bag for the front and another for the back (50 pound bags).  That lawn (St. Augustine) was lush, thick and so green that golfers were impressed.  How thick was it?  I had to mow it twice a week or else it was to thick to cut.  It grew in the winter also, I had to cut it once or twice a month then also.

I'm in my 40's currently and today I bought my first lawn mower.  Our old house was almost a quarter acre but that grass was pretty lush also (thanks to my wife) so we bought a push mower for it.  Don't laugh, push mowers are really good for the grass; they damage the lawn less so it can spend more time and energy on growing.  Push mowers are not good with tall weeds or uneven lawns though.  This new lawn has weeds out the wazoo and instead of paying a lawn service $50-60 every two weeks we decided to just buy a mower and do it ourselves.

As I'm pushing this thing around our postage stamp lawn I remembered the first time I was responsible for mowing my yard.  I hated mowing the grass then so I hired the local lawn boy.  I still hate it but the teen and preteen kids that might do lawns aren't as cheap as they used to be.

That's a real world motivation to do well in new career if I ever needed one.  Do well enough to hire a company to come out and do the lawns for us.  Screw the distant vacations to exotic lands, the real incentive is someone else doing the lawn.

A simple recipe.

Today I'm giving you a recipe. Chocolate Tortillas. This is a recipe my wife created once just out of curiosity and it's been a winner ever since. One tortilla per dessert. Spread butter on one side of each tortilla, sprinkle with cinnamon and chocolate chips. Put in oven (300 degrees or so for for a few minutes) or on griddle. When chocolate melts take out of oven and spread chocolate and serve.

Signs.

One of my neighbors is moving today. The realtor's sign never came down until the close was final. You might ask why. The sign isn't final until the close, even if earnest money is paid the buyer can still back out. Every person that sees that sign is a potential replacement if the original buyer backs out. Much better to have the sign up a longer time and hopefully promote a bidding war than to not. More questions? 

Refi.

When I bought my first house I was annoyed that my interest rate was 7% and if I had locked in my rate one day earlier it would have been 6.5%. That could have been quite a bit of savings over the life of the loan. I didn't feel that bad after talking to the seller, he had bought his at 13% and never even thought about refinancing. What is your rate? Double check and make sure, it might be time to refinance. 

Summer.

Summer officially started today.  Not really, school got out last Friday so today the kids were going to do things.  I get up and the rain is pouring down.

I was going to bring the kids to the gym and then for my cardio we were going to hit the bike trails.  Can't ride on the trails when it's mudding time.  Plus, the kids stayed up late yesterday because I wanted to sleep in.

I have to get back into the groove of getting up and going first thing.  The less the kids are at home the less of a mess they make.

Inside appeal.

Recently I wrote of curb appeal. What about interior appeal? If you're selling a higher priced house would it be worth it hire a professional maid to come out and do a deep clean? This service might cost a few hundred but it should help your house sell faster. If your house is more modestly priced or if you're upside down then it might not be worth the expense, but then again it might. Do your research and think about it. 

How much I love my wife.

You want to know how much I love my wife?  I volunteered for something.

One of her friends is starting up a church and in the planning phase she asked them what they are doing for security and traffic.  They apparently hadn't thought of it.  She offered to do it and said she would find some more people.

She's telling me how she's having problems finding people to help her out.  I get some details from her and it seems she doesn't need an officer or a security guard she needs someone that isn't always in condition white.  Someone that can actually pay attention and notice the odd things.

I tell her:  "Well shoot, if that's all you need then I can help you out."  How much do I love my wife?  In traffic during the day in Texas, it's still spring but the temp is already hitting the 90's and once it was 101 with the heat index.  That's how much I love my wife.

Curb Appeal.

Before you show or even have photos taken consider having a professional do some landscaping for you. Lawn specialists might run between $20 and $200, maybe even more if the job warrants it. Would you spend $200 so that your prospective buyers would haggle less or to sell your property faster? 

I would. 

Facebook post.

I have a mortgage facebook page and I try to do something on it every few days.  I'm thinking about upping that to daily and if so then I'm just going to copy and paste onto here.  I'll start today actually.

Ask questions. If you're trying to buy a house (get pre-approved first) ask questions. Your agent should be asking questions but tell her what you want. Don't just say "I want a three bedroom, two bath, two car garage with a backyard." Do you want a backyard for your pack of Great Danes (big yard) or do you just want something that you can put a grill in? When I was in real estate school a successful agent said that if I show a person ten houses then I didn't ask the right questions. Don't waste time by looking at houses that you don't want, the only way you can do that is by communicating. More questions? Give me a call...

My eyes are tired, it's bedtime.

Procrastination.

I haven't seen my special needs brother in awhile so I called another brother to see how he's doing.  Apparently he's doing worse.  We were talking about him for a bit and then I told him how I've already started an obituary and eulogy for him.

My brother told me that he's started one also and he thinks our other brother has started one also.  All of us do a bit of writing it seems.

I'm not going to work on the obituary tonight, that's not a fun and easy project.

Interview Woes.

I had an interview today.  I did not go well.  Truthfully, I am overqualified but I'm just looking for something to make a little money and to keep me out of mischief.

This interview was a local place, a big local place, and the confirmation email didn't say where to go for the interview.  They do it as a cattle call (group interview) to save time.  They ask us to fill out these two sheets that we have on the conference table in front of us.  They even passed out pens because these other applicants didn't bring a pen with them.  I was the best dressed there and I was only wearing a button down shirt and a pair of slacks.

The first sheet was an availability chart.  I put down what I was available currently and what I would be available in July.  Currently is some days and some any, July will be any.  The sheet even said that if changes need to be made to the availability chart then a manager must approve it.  The interviewer sees my limits from across the table and asks me if I can change it.  No, my wife has a career with longer hours so I must work around that for my children.  Okay, put your phone number on the top and give it to me.  

That's it, the interview is over for me; she even told me that I can go.  She did tell me to give her a call when I'm more available.  And then she ignored me.  I worked in topless bars and I gave more respect to my applicants.  That's pretty sad.

My name.

Our truck is having A/C issues so I took it to the car doctor today.  I brought a book because I figured that I might be there for a few hours and my books are much better than car and golf magazines.

I go in and they tell me to take the shop truck so I'm not stuck there.  It's okay, I brought a book to read.  No, go ahead and take the truck, we let all of our customers use it.

Are they trying to get me out of the shop?  Are they waiting for me to leave so they can sacrifice a goat to diagnose problems?  What the hell, I knew we needed milk and dish detergent at least.  The closest grocery store is not my first choice because it's a bit expensive and they get offended if you don't accept their carryout offer.  They don't even accept tips.  But I only needed a couple of items so I went there.  I actually bought four items, the two I needed and then two surprises for my wife.

While there the bag boy was also named Justin.  Something I noticed years ago was that in fiction books and movies anyone named Justin is either evil or incompetent.  I really don't mind the evil but the incompetent annoys me.  Why can't someone have a good role model that just happens to be named Justin?

In WKRP in Cincinnati Dr Johnny Fever has a daughter who falls in love with an idiot, what's his name?  Justin of course.  In Carnivale the "villain" is Brother Justin Crowe, he's a great villain but he's still evil.  In Scrubs Justin was the name of an unicorn; don't ask, it's still not good.  I've found two positive role models, two out of 72 on IMDB, one is a rat in The Secret of NIMH.  The other is the title character of Justin and the Knights of Valour.

One's a rat and the other is a foreign film.  So my choices are vermin or Spanish.  What the hell?  Is my name in the middle of some weird conspiracy?  If you can think of a good use of the name Justin let me know.  I've been looking for years and nothing.

What kids learn from us. Part 3.

Yesterday I wrote about what we are teaching our children.  Rereading it made me realize that some people might misconstrue what I was saying.

If a lady is wearing something revealing then I don't care.  If a minor is wearing something revealing then I'm against it.  The ladies were high school cheerleaders and therefore they are minors.  What I have an issue with is the hypocrisy of the school saying that a student couldn't wear clothes that revealing to school because they are a distraction but they will go out and buy them and then reward certain ladies by letting them wear them.